


Plain Sailing Weather

by Kt_fairy



Series: Oranges [3]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Epic Friendship, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Oral Sex, Sexual Dysfunction, anti-depressants can be a real fucker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 10:11:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11159727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kt_fairy/pseuds/Kt_fairy
Summary: Derek shoved another brownie in his mouth as the floor vibrated with the disjointed rumble of a bass line dropped and the yell that went up to greet it. Dex was still down there, Derek had not told him he was escaping the party because Dex did not have to run around after him and, well, he was being monopolised by a guy off the swim team who was tall and handsome and not a depressed piece of shit laying on his bedroom floor gorging himself on baked goods.





	Plain Sailing Weather

 

 

 

 Haus parties were a lot. A lot of noise, a lot of manically flashing lights, a lot of deep dark corners, a lot of booze, a lot of bass, and a lot of people.

 Too many people tonight for a Derek who wasn’t drunk out of his mind, which he couldn’t be because alcohol was a shitty way of dealing with anything. The long hard look he had taken at himself over the last summer had made that very clear, not touching a drop after he had almost convinced himself he would need to be drunk to look after his little step sister.

 That unpleasant realisation was a thought he did not want to dwell on right now, shoving a brownie in his mouth as the floor vibrated with the disjointed rumble of a bass line dropped and the yell that went up to greet it. Dex was still down there, Derek had not told him he was escaping the party because Dex did not have to run around after him and, well, he was being monopolised by a guy off the swim team who was tall and handsome and not a depressed piece of shit laying on his bedroom floor gorging himself on baked goods.

 Derek groaned, moving his plate of pilfered brownies off of his stomach so they were harder to reach, staring up at the faint crack in the ceiling that Dex was working himself up to fix and pulled a face. He would like to forget about him and this morning for just one second but mortified humiliation was a troll, hitting the replay button on this morning for what felt like the millionth time.

 Things had been going well - really, really well which in Derek's experience meant it was about to crash and burn all the sooner. He had not rushed to keep his promise to himself about taking Dex to dinner and had waited until he felt rested and present and able before he even asked (anxious procrastination may have had something to do with the delay as well). They had held hands that night and kissed a few days later and had kept on holding hands and kissing and being assholes to one another but with an edge of flirtation to it now, the personal space that had been carefully laid out upon moving into the Haus to try and lessen the fights becoming more blurred as they curled up in pillow forts to do homework or Derek pulled Dex down to sit on his lap when he wanted to make him watch stupid viral videos.

 Being two twenty year old boys sharing a room with who they were ‘dating' it did not take all that long before things had gotten heavy and heated, Dex’s big, strong hands sliding up the back of Derek’s shirt as he had grabbed Dex’s ass to pull him in tight, neither of them much caring that they’d end up being late for class if they carried on like this.

 Side effects of antidepressants were never guaranteed or in Derek’s case consistent but if he was going to get any they would be insomnia - which was fucked up as his depression already did a number on his sleep - or his dick refusing to co-operate. It was not like that all the time, much to Derek’s relief, but it was only when he felt Dex rubbing against his hip did he realise all the right cylinders were firing but nothing was happening. Dex had assured him it was okay, that there was no rush, he didn’t mind, this wasn't just sex, all the usual stuff people said to be nice but Derek knew it was all shit. He did not tell him the real reason why because he was humiliated and fucking useless, and now Dex thought Derek did not want him, so why should he wait on Derek when there was a hot swimmer ready to go and fuck his brains out - it was way more than Derek could do for him.

 At least Dex had gone into this not-relationship with his eyes open unlike most of Derek’s ex’s. At least he had gotten to kiss him and touch him in the knowledge that Dex had still liked him after seeing him at his worst.

 Derek day-dreamed while he wallowed, phasing backwards and forwards between marching downstairs and kissing Dex like he was in a overblown romantic movie, confetti cannons going off and everything, or his life as a dashing Elizabethan pirate terrorising Spanish ships laden with gold and giving the spoils to the poor like some kind of waterborne Robin Hood. They became intertwined after a while and he was imagining planting one on a cute redheaded servant in the middle of the Tudor royal court when the door squeaked open.

 Confusion made him lay their stupidly as he wondered why the cute red-head was not wearing a doublet and hose before he realised this was now and that was Dex looking down at him with a frown on his face.

“I’ll leave you guys to it”, Derek muttered, not caring that he was making ungainly grunting sounds as he made to drag himself up.

 There was a beat of silence before Dex stepped further into the room, knocking the door closed behind him, “What?”

“The swim guy, I’ll get out of your way.”

“What are you talking about?”

 Derek blinked up at him from where he was half sat on his bed, plate of brownies abandoned on the floor, “The guy you were flirting with…”

 He was surprised to see Dex visibly bawk, urgent steps bringing him further into the glow of Derek's bedside lamp that lit up his eyes like sunlight through autumn leaves, firelight through whiskey, fresh honey- take your pick, Derek was always sitting on a pile of florid descriptions that were not _all_ about Dex but he had a sizeable contribution to the pile , “I wasn’t flirting with him, he...I wasn’t…”

“S’okay if you were. I mean, I’m up here binge eating brownies ‘cause I can’t get it up so I won’t be mad if you got it from someone hot and sane.”

“You did not just say that,” Dex said under his breath, reality snapping back into sharp focus when Derek took a look at the expression on Dex’s face.

“Oh shit.”

“What the fuck, man?”

 He had just fucked this all up, that’s what the fuck. Derek sagged, pulling sharply at his hair to try and keep the tantrum in because he put up with a lot of unfairness in his life but sometimes it was too much.

 Big hands, strong and gentle, smoothed across Derek's back as the mattress slowly dipped next to him, “I’m sorry Dex, I’m sorry I’m such a fucking mess, I’m sorry I can’t be a proper boyfriend, I’m sorry…”

 “Okay, okay. Enough”, Dex grumbled as he extracted Derek’s fingers from his hair,“Is this ‘cause of this morning? I said it was fine. You’ve just been bedridden with depression I’m not gonna be a - a - an asshole about it.”

 Derek found himself picking at the skin around his nails and jerked his hands apart, shoving them under his thighs so he would not be tempted again. His picking was not as bad as it was, his tattoo was more statement of recovery than anything else as for many years he would not even wear T-shirts on the hottest days because of how badly he had picked at his arms. It had always been a matter of pride that he had never turned on his body even on the darkest days, had been horrified when he found out this was a form of self harm, had trained himself to fiddle with pens or pick at threads in his jeans instead but, as with all things in his life, it was not that easy to escape, “I’m broken and you shouldn’t have to put up with it.”

“Have I done something or said something to make you think this?” Derek shook his head, “Nursey?", he shook his head more vehemently, the last thing this was was Dex's fault, "I don’t think you’re broken D, living is just more of a struggle for you sometimes I guess.”

“What happened to my privilege?”

 Dex was quiet for a moment, Derek trying to brace himself for fight because sometimes it felt like that word would always be a grenade going off between them. “No amount of money can change how your brain is made, how it makes chemicals and stuff”, Dex said haltingly like he was unsure of the science, looking as open and gentle as he was able to when Derek glanced up at him.

“No”, Derek agreed.

“I did some reading, it was probably not enough or not deep enough but I know how exhausting this - depression- is so, you know...and so many things can affect...that”, he made a vaguely explicit motion with his hand, “stress and tiredness and tension. And nerves! You’ve never been with a guy like that so it’s okay to be nervous, Nursey”, Derek started when Dex held out a hand, palm up, a silent offer that could be ignored with ease if Derek wanted and he considered it for a moment before slipping their hands together, “I’m nervous too, I’ve never had a proper relationship before, I’m scared I’ll fuck this up ‘cause you know I’m not that easy to be around, and I want this to be a good thing.”

 Derek felt like he could cry, too many emotions to identify bubbling up all over the place and he scrubbed at his eyes to try and give himself a moment. Dex had done research! Derek did not think anyone had done research for him before and he hated that he was grateful for this basic decency.

 He could let Dex think all this was true, it partly was Derek supposed, but he was not that much of a mess to think that was a good idea. He was brave, he was strong, and if the truth pushed Dex away he was better off without him no matter how much it might suck in the short term.

“Did you read about the side effects of antidepressants?” he asked, surprised at how weak his voice sounded, glancing at Dex who looked a little shamefaced as he shook his head, Derek absentmindedly fiddling with Dex’s long fingers as he took a deep, fortifying breath, “Depression lowers libido and sometimes the pills don’t totally fix that and, uuhh...well, one reaction I have is that my dick doesn’t always work one hundred percent even if I do wanna fuck. I wanted...kissing you is so good, and so is touching you and I was so into it this morning and so were you and I just got nothing bro. My body wouldn’t react. It’s super embarrassing and…”

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not with you for your dick”, Derek blinked at Dex as he tightened his hold on his hand, warm and strong and grounding, “I won’t die if I don’t get any every week, I know it’s hard to believe but I’m not exactly some kind of - of obsessed frat boy...sex god, ya’ know?”, Derek had to smile at that because no, Dex was a lot of things but that was pushing the realms of believability, “Isn’t this where you tell me I am?”

 Derek laughed, “No.”

“Suppose not”, Dex agreed, wrapping an arm around Derek, the weight of it a comforting line across his back and he turned so he could rest his head on Dex’s shoulder, enjoying his warmth and the smell of his body wash under the sweet smell of booze that clung to Dex’s t-shirt.

“I don’t want you to think I don’t want you. I can't stand it. We’re young and you’re hot and I’d really like to have sex with you but I can’t right now and I am...frustrated.”

 Derek felt Dex heave a deep sigh, his fingertips pausing as they traced gentle patterns over his back, “You’ve told me, and we can - there must be resources for this, advice and shit. Yoga seems to be how everyone fixes things now so...”

“You gonna fix me?”, Derek joked offhand, wincing when Dex tensed against him.

“I don’t think if I work long enough on you I can make you serviceable, I know that’s not how this works. You know that I don’t think you’re a project right?”, Dex asked, easing his hold on Derek so he had to sit up and face Dex’s guarded eyes.

“I know. I know Dex. That was...It was a dumb joke I’m sorry. I...” Derek paused as he looked at Dex with his stupid ears and jaw that he grew into a little bit more every summer and the incongruous sweetness of his features that Derek hoped he never grew out of, at the kindness in his eyes that had always been there under his firecracker of a temper that, deep down, Derek had always liked. He had already made a spectacle of himself today, might as well put the cherry on the top of this mess by kissing Dex.

 He meant it to be a gentle little thing, a reassurance, but found himself pressing in with his free hand cupping Dex’s jaw, his knee running along the inside of Dex’s thigh when they turned towards one another, bed creaking under them as they shifted closer. “I love kissing you”, Derek murmured as he pulled back, smiling as a blush spread to Dex’s ears and he pecked him on the lips again, “And I love it when I make you blush.”

 Dex tried to squirm away in embarrassment, face starting to turn blotchy with how hard he was blushing, but his hand was still wrapped up in Derek’s so he could not get away as Derek lent forward to gaze up at him, grinning helplessly at the fact that he could get this reaction by saying so little, something he thought all those who loved words secretly hoped to be able to do.

“I…” Dex started but Derek shook his head.

“Nope, let me look at you”, Derek said quietly, gripping Dex’s hand tighter as he made a noise of protest, turning his head so all Derek could see was his ear, “Dex! Dex let me look at you!”

“No.”

“Dex!”

“Oh my god stoppp!” Derek let go of his hands and knelt on the bed, grabbing Dex’s face in both hands and leaning in close as Dex tried to twist away, the both of them laughing a little helplessly as the tussle made them overbalance, Derek sprawling out over Dex with an elbow in his ribs that forced the air out of Dex in one big _oof._

 “Sorry.”

“No you’re not”, Dex muttered as they shifted to get more comfortable, his face tucked into Derek’s neck as they curled around one another, “this is the rom-com moment you crave." Derek almost said ‘you’re what I crave’ but held that in because he would rather enjoy being allowed to nuzzle into Dex’s hair than being laughed at right now, "Hey. Didn't I see you with a _whole plate_ of brownies?"

 "Uuuhhhh..."

 

                                                                                    _/ \\_

 Derek looked down the length of his body at his dick, hair falling limply into his eyes as he lent further into the spray in the hope that the heat would ease the tension across his shoulders.

 Despite the very detailed and very graphic direction his thoughts had taken, despite the good lube, despite his sex playlist playing quietly over the fall of the water, despite getting both hands on himself all he could manage was a very slightly less soft dick against his thigh.

 He had always been too young for most of his problems, forced to be more mature to be taken seriously, forced to see the dangers and unfairness of the world far too young in order to survive being a black man, but this was taking the piss.

 He wanted to scream, but instead tipped his head back into the water and sighed.

 

                                                                                    _/ \\_

 The barbell clinked down in the cradle, Derek smiling up at Ollie as he patted him on the shoulder to signal his set of reps had been good. He stood so he could spot now, letting his eyes trail around the gym as he stretched out his shoulders while he waited for Ollie to switch the weights outs for slightly lighter ones, catching sight of Dex showing Tango a stretch, their gym shorts riding up their powerful hockey thighs and stretching over their butts.

 Despite the encouraging throb in his dick at the sight Derek almost slapped himself across the face because ogling Dex’s long legs and broad shoulders in the gym was one thing, but doing it to _Tango_ \- even if it was just because of proximity to Dex - was very much something else.

  He shook himself and got in position for Ollie to start doing bench presses, treading on his own foot to get his attention back to the task in hand because he was not sure what excuse he would use if one of their first line players dropped over one hundred pounds of steel on his face on his watch.

 He wanted his dick to work, but not at the expense of it coming to attention for anything to do with the fucking _Tadpoles_.

 

                                                                                    _/ \\_

 Chris flopped down on the hazmat couch next to Derek and handed him a Sprite, raising his eyebrows at the pile of papers covering Derek’s lap as he sat mindlessly listening to ten year old ambient music as he waited on hold for the third time this phone call.

 Being on hold sucked, but it sucked even more after the days he had spent answering questions and hanging around in waiting rooms and being poked by doctors and filling in forms just to get to this point of waiting for a huge corporation to actually - shock horror- do something. All which might be in vain if the new medication he had finally managed to get prescribed did not help his dick raise itself out of the slump it had fallen into.

“Insurance?”

“Getting my med’s changed.”

 Chris winced, “Been on the phone long?”

“Uhh, twenty-five minutes?”

“First phone call?”

“Don’t jinx me please, man.”

“Sorry dude”, They sat in silence for a moment, the only sound the tinny music coming through Derek’s speakers that he was sure was rotting his brain, “If you want to go into the basement and scream I’ll wait on hold for you?”

 Derek loved Chris for being the most positive person he knew, for being smart and skilled, for not asking why Derek was changing his med’s after he had repeated himself so many times to so many people he would be able to say the reasons in his sleep forty years from now, for being supportive, for being a chirpy little shit in goal, for being so pure and honest in his emotions, but right now he loved him for somehow always getting it.

 “I could kiss you”, Derek sighed as he shoved the papers off his lap, leaning over to smack a wet kiss on Chris’ cheek before hot footing it off vent some of his exasperation by screaming into the washing machine.            

 

                                                                                    _/ \\_

 This Haus party is less crowded, the smell of booze less heavy in the air, the atmosphere light and a lot less charged what with Dex’s surprisingly lit 80’s playlist thumping out of the speakers. He usually guarded that playlist with his life but Ollie had promised not to let Wicks fuck with it under pain of Dex shooting pucks at their heads and, well, Dex’s rare slap-shots made everyone in front of him scatter.

 The Pet Shop Boys were playing now, the beat bright and luxurious and it could only be to them that Derek found himself in this situation. Well, he was the only one to blame for his hands being on Dex’s hips, holding him close so his firm ass was pressed against his groin as they danced. Farms pressing up close to Dex with a leg between his and a hand on Derek's waist was not his fault, neither was Chris's fingertips brushing Dex’s side as him and Farmer ground together, his teeth digging into his bottom lip as his sharp goalie gaze flicked over their tangle of bodies, catching Derek looking at him and shooting him a joyful, dirty grin.

 That was, this was...what the fuck kind of fratty voodoo was in the walls of the Haus?

 He slipped his hand up under Dex’s shirt, holding Chris’ gaze as he dragging his nails over Dex’s soft abs, pressing in closer against his back so Dex could feel the half hardness in his pants, Dex’s moan lost to the music but Derek knew it was there. He was so relieved that he had finally, finally got some physical evidence of what he felt for Dex, burying his face into his soft red hair that was getting sweaty at the roots as he delighted at the friction against his dick actually doing something.

 Dex pulled a hand off of Chris? No probably Cait, and dug his fingers into Derek’s hair, yanking his head back so he could twist to kiss him, wet and slow and as dirty as their dancing and Derek would have been thinking about how much Charmer owed them for the free show if the world had not narrowed down to the firm heat of Dex’s body and the softness of his mouth working with perfect sloppiness against his own.

                                                                                           

                                                                                    _/ \\_

 The sweet smell of cooking oranges hit Derek before he even got into the Haus and he could not stop himself from grinning as he hopped up the steps. Cooking oranges meant marmalade, and as much as they all loved Bitty’s cooking Dex’s mom’s family recipe of marmalade was liiiiiit. Like, Derek had found the marmalade sandwiches of Paddington Bear fame very underwhelming until he had some Dex had made and he finally got it. That bear was onto something.

 Dex was stood at the counter shredding the cooked fruit, the ties of his apron circled twice around his narrow waist and Derek had to pause for a moment to look at him because wow. Yeah, _wow_. Chris’ enthusiasm for Farmer was so relatable right now.

 He knocked on the doorframe of the kitchen as he entered, almost backing straight back out of the room when he felt his whole body turn in to overheated, warm goo at the small smile Dex was giving him; he was not usually one for getting flustered but Derek could still feel the pressure of the kiss he had given Dex that morning, could still taste him, could still feel the way his word had tilted when Dex’s big hands had come to hold his face.

 They had kissed so many times it was hardly of note but something about it had made him tingle delightfully for the rest of the day.

“Hey baby, you at a vital point?”

 Dex looked down at the pile of fruit he was slowly destroying and shook his head, “Not really no.”

“Good”, Derek muttered as he carefully turned Dex around, taking the knife out of his hand to settle it on the chopping board as he crowded Dex back against the counter, “I was gonna kiss the cook.”

 Dex had the cheek to try not to smile as he rolled his eyes at him, hands coming to rest on Derek’s waist as he let Derek peck him on the lips, the cheek, the jaw, ducking his head to meet Derek’s mouth to kiss him properly, smiling at the moan Derek could not keep in when their tongues slipped against one another and he tasted sweet oranges.

“Fuck”, he breathed, not knowing where to touch Dex first, not knowing what he wanted, letting his hands trail all over him, hiking a knee over his hip so he could grab at his ass, jolting forward when Dex’s fingers dug into the meat of his. Usually he would have been embarrassed by the messy sound of their kiss in the almost quiet kitchen, by the spit that was getting in his stubble but honestly, who could give a fuck?

 Apparently not his dick, it could only give half a fuck - again.

 He should not care, he had just got an essay back that he had gotten 95% on, they had won the last three games, he was kissing his boyfriend in the warm sweet scented afternoon sunshine, a boyfriend that did not care that he stopped functioning every so often and the thing that helped him function was stopping them having sex. He pulled out of the kiss and pressed his forehead against Dex’s jaw, his last frayed nerve giving out, “Fucking bullshit!”

 “Nursey?”

“Oh what? It’s okay, don’t worry about it, we’ll work on it”, Derek spat as he stepped away, really wanting to hurl a chair at a wall in anger but knowing he would just be embarrassed about it later, “We’ve been working on it! I’ve taken long relaxing baths, I’ve had early nights, I’ve eaten - like - sixty percent less crap, I’ve gone and spent days fucking around just to get new meds! I’ve tried so many things, I have...we have...and I have _nothing to fucking show for it_!”

“Derek...”, Dex warned quietly, not having moved an inch from the counter as he let Derek rage around him.

“And you know what the worst bit is? When I look at you, or I touch you, or I kiss you and nothing happens, sometimes there is this voice in my head telling me it’s punishment for wanting you, for wanting a guy, and I’d be fixed if I left you. That my body won’t let me be _haram_  and…” he could not look at Dex as he spoke, did not want to see the hurt on his face, shame burning in his throat like bile with every word he spoke. Dex was being so patient and kind and fucking good to him and here Derek was digging up even more of his own shit to dump on him.

 He collapsed down into a chair, gaze blurring with tears as he stared at the sorry looking fruit bowl in the middle of the kitchen table, heart racing so loudly he did not notice how silent the whole Haus had fallen now he was quiet, pitching forward to press his forehead into the old, cheap wood of the kitchen table.

“Do you want space to deal with all this, D?” Dex asked quietly, “I’d still be here for you if you did.”

 “No! No oh god no”, Derek flung out a hand to grab at Dex’s flannel desperately to reinforce his point, a dry sob wracking his chest when he felt Dex sit down next to him.

“Okay, okay.”

 Derek took some fortifying breaths, wiping his face on his sleeve before he pulled back to look at him, “Sometimes I think all of that, but mostly I look at you and wish I did believe in an all powerful, loving and merciful God ‘cause that’d explain why you’re here.”

 “You’re such a bullshitter”, Dex mumbled as he pressed a kiss to Derek’s forehead, “I’m serious, you’re putting so much pressure on yourself over this and it’s, well it is a big deal I get that, of course I do, but this isn’t the end of everything. You’re worrying about it all the time and like, we’re not just doing things for the sake of them. Not saying not worrying about it will fix everything but, you know, what if that is all we become? Yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah I get you.”

“I get frustrated by this too. Not really the sex thing - if you were, like, Ace, I'd be cool with it I think, but what this is doing to you is so hard to watch. It’s getting to me too, I just want you to be happy and I think you can do that without, ya know. I don’t expect you to just stop being so eaten up about it but, I don't know, seize the day or whatever and enjoy us?”

 “I do. I really do.” Derek sighed, pressing a gentle kiss to Dex’s cheek, “Never thought it would be this easy _mashalla._ That you’d be so good to be with.”

“Rude.”

“Please, we’re both assholes.”

“Wow, you two are fined to fuck”, Chris declared as he dumped his bag on the table, “I can’t even tell if you’re fighting or not, that should tell you both a lot about your relationship. Oooo are you making Granny R marmalade? I love that, will Bitty be making fresh bread do you think? Man, I am so hungry.”

 

                                                                                    _/ \\_

“Shoot pucks at me!”

“No.”

“Nursey! Fucking shoot them!”

“No. You’ll throw them everywhere and make me pick them up!”

“Yeah, and it’ll make you try harder”, Derek could hear Chris’ smile that was hidden by his goalie mask and made a point of exaggerating his eye roll as he skated past him to pick up a puck.

“I’m a D-man, shooting pucks isn’t my job.”

“Tell that to Brent Burns.”

“Yeah but Burnzies greatness is all in his beard and as you see, I am beardless.”

“You’re also a fucking Rangers fan”, Chris chirped as Derek whipped a wrister at his high glove side, zipping the puck past C to dink off the crossbar and down into the net.

“Gettin’ real personal there.” It was a fluke goal and Chris hated those the most, the look he gave Derek promising that would be the last puck he got past him like that.

 They were on the ice a good half and hour, Derek taking immense satisfaction in just whacking the puck without a care for the exact technique he needed in front of the coaches, ricocheting a few off the glass that got an appreciative woop off of Chris from where he was crabbing in the net.

 “You were having a lot of fun today”, Chris pointed out as he pushed his mask back to grab for some water, “Well, like, you have but not as much as today. Carefree. Actually, no, that last Kegster was s'awesome.”

“For you and Farms dancing with my boyfriend, maybe.”

“Ummm I was dancing with _my_ girlfriend. And you weren’t complaining so much as sucking on Dex’s tongue.”

 Derek coughed on his drink, squirting it at C when he grinned at him, “With your big mouth no wonder people can’t score on you, get confused between that and the net.”

“Novel length chirp, high-class.”

“Not have enough ‘dude’s’ in it for you, surfer boy.”

“I surf quite well actually.”

“I’m not surprised, you can prob do handstands and stuff on a surfboard or whatever.”

“You and Dexy need to come, I’ll teach you.”

“Dex will be burnt to a crisp after like, ten seconds in Cali.”

“Give you an excuse to rub sun lotion all over him.”

 Derek hummed in agreement, smiling at the image as he squirted water at Chris again.

 

                                                                                    _/ \\_

 Derek was running late because, well, life? Therapists had assured him that his ambivalence towards timekeeping was his messed up brain chemistry fucking him over in one more way but Derek was not so sure, he thought he was just ran on African time like the rest of his family did (not his dad though, his dad made it very clear he lived on Caribbean time thankyouverymuch).

 He was surprised when the bridge that crossed the Samwell River came into view and he could not spot Dex waiting for him there. He did not stand out all that much, a tall white boy in flannel was not exactly an odd sight but the flash of red hair usually gave him away and Derek found himself at a bit of a loss when he got into the middle of the bridge and he was not there.

 Checking his phone did not help his confusion because he was definitely in the place they had agreed to meet at the right time and on the right day. He turned to look out over the river and felt a little shocked, he was early? Or had Dex forgotten? Or was Dex hurt or sick or had just decided not to come, had thought better of their whole thing and just dropped him? Maybe it had all been some joke, petty get backs for their two years of bickering.

“What's that face for?” A familiar scratchy Maine accent spoke up next to him and Derek was too relieved to jump.

“Wondering how the hell I got here before you. Where the fuck have you been?”

“I’m barely ten minutes late.”

“But you’re never late!” Derek protested, hating the whine of panic that was in his voice because if Dex started turning up late to places then the world was definitely ending.

“I was trying not to get killed by a goose while I got these”, he explained, tipping his bag off his shoulder to reveal it was half full of sticks.

 Derek blinked at them, trying to decide if this was some cultural reference he had somehow missed or if Advanced Trig had finally made Dex crack, “Uuhh, okay?”

“It’s for Pooh Sticks. You said there was no brooks on Manhatten so I thought we could have a go here if you wanted. Not exactly a picture perfect little woodland I know but…”

“Oh my god you’re a sickeningly cute boyfriend”, Derek declared as he grabbed Dex’s face and kissed him, “You’re so cute what the fuck? I like low key love you.”

 The blush that rocketed up Dex’s neck and across his cheeks was so deep and, frankly, alarming that Derek almost missed how his eyes become brighter as they widened in shock, a beaming smile having several goes at spreading across his face as he seemed to be holding in a laugh, “I low key love you too”.

 Derek's heart felt like it was about to give out when he heard those quietly spoken words and all he could do was beam back at Dex, pressing in to kiss him again, soft and sweet.

“Okay, Pooh Sticks. Let’s go”, Dex said when Derek let him go, voice shaking slightly, smile still pulling at the corner of his mouth and Derek had to take a deep breath to try and calm his hands that were trembling with a warm and all encompassing happiness.

 They bickered over sticks, whether to go longer or sturdier, if a bend in it was an advantage or not, getting highly competitive and spending a good minute making sure their hands were at the same distance over the side of the bridge. They cheated on the drop, going just before three because they were asshole hockey players and then speed-walked to the other side, leaning right over the side as they waited for the sluggish current to deliver their sticks to them.

“SS.Adiche is gonna kick your ass, Billiam. She’s gonna zip through here and leave your stick in the dust bro.”

“How can their be dust it's a river?”

“It’s a metaphor.”

“No metaphors in Pooh Sticks, bud.”

“...What does that even mean?”

“It means shut up.”

“This is the man I love.”

“Yeah, and this the man who won’t fall for your cheap distractions. Touch my ass and I’ll tip you in.”

 Derek pressed his smile into his arms that he had folded on top of the stone work and watched the ripples of the current that pulled itself along just under the surface of the water, enjoying having the sun on his face and the solid line of Dex’s arm pressed against his.

 

                                                                                     _/ \\_

 The force of Bitty barrelling into his side was more than Derek expected and he staggered slightly, knocking into Whiskey who was in the process of jumping on him, the rest of the team crowding around him yelling and cheering as they pressed in. With this win they had leapfrogged past Colgate in their league, had a real shot at finishing in the top three and it was partly down to the goal Derek had just scored.

“Eight games without a point, not even one little assist”, Ollie declaimed to the lockeroom from where he was stood in his stall, “And our boy Nursey gets the GWG and two assists. Attaway 28!” There was a chorus of woops and a smattering of applause, Ford patting his shoulder as she walked past with the laundry trolley, the coaches looking on in amusement.

 An eight game slump, Derek shook his head as he bent to pull off his socks, he had been so worried about his dick he had not even kept track of how it was affecting his hockey. He straightened up to lean back in his locker, letting himself feel proud for getting here from being curled up in bed in the same clothes he had been wearing for the past three days.

 He closed his eyes, not even bothering to react when a pair of socks that were obviously C's hit him in the face as he enjoyed the moment for a little while longer, using the element of surprise to zip the socks back at Chris but accidentally bouncing them off Ford's shoulder, making a dash for the showers before she could retaliate.

 

                                                                                    _/ \\_

“What do you like?” Dex purred, long legs tangling through Derek’s as he held himself over him, skin warm and pink under Derek’s hands as he smoothed them up his sides, feeling every bump of his ribs and smooth swell of muscle and never wanting to stop.

 It had not been an ambush as such, just Dex deciding that Derek might as well join him in the bath to, “save water, those bills only go up you know”, like he knew Derek had always been weak for a bath, and weak for his boyfriend, and weak for his boyfriends pale shoulders peeking out of the dark pink water that was filling the bathroom with the delicate scent of fresh roses.

 That Dex had been so willing to lay about in a pool of hot water for as long as they did should have clued Derek in that something was up but he was too relaxed to care, feeling like he would be happy to be a boneless lump against Dex’s chest, bracketed by his long legs and head tucked securely under his chin, for the rest of forever he was so content, his brain so quiet.

 They had to get out eventually because it was kind of unfair to keep Chris from what was also his bathroom, the both of them tumbling into Derek’s bed half dressed and still wrapped in their towels, unwilling to move away from one another, still cozy and content and deeply relaxed.

 And now he was here, with Dex half on top of him looking as indecent as anyone could in worn to softness boxers which, as it was Dex, was quite indecent, heat prickling thorough Derek’s body as that question fell from the pinkest lips. “I…” He breathed out, becoming immediately distracted by a warm mouth on his neck, continuing to be distracted as it moved slowly, one kiss at a time, down to his chest, only realising he had an answer to give when eyes the colour of the finest whiskey looked up at him, “Oh, I uh… well I never had any complaints when I went down on girls so I assume it’ll be the same as eating out a guy, and I’ve done like, anal before with a, um, girl, so I know what I’m doing…”

 He trailed off when Dex raised his head from kissing noisily down the centre of his chest, one eyebrow cocked and Derek felt heat rush unbidden to his face, “Do you now?”

“I didn’t...I’m not...I was just saying I know how, it wasn’t like an expectation or a hint or…”

“I asked you what you liked, not what you can do”, Dex murmured, kissing Derek’s stomach idly, not even trying to be sexy but Derek’s whole body was on fire, “Nice to hear you’ll know what you’re doing with my ass, though”, he teased, pressing his wry smile into Derek’s skin and he was going to die. This was it, the end, RI-fucking-P.

 Dex continued to press kisses over his stomach, unaware of the very unchill moment Derek was having, teeth grazing over the sensitive skin of his abdomen and making Derek’s legs squirm against the sheets it felt so good, his dick making the most valiant effort so far to get with the programme.

“Oh shit, Dex…”

“Still haven’t told me what you like”, he said softly, warm breath making goosebumps spread out over his skin, “Rough or gentle, held down or holding down…?”

 It was Dex’s turn to flush, to shudder, for a strangled gasp to escape his mouth when Derek reached down and brushed his thumb over Dex’s bottom lip, applying just enough pressure for it to slip inside and run over the tip of his warm, wet tongue, “I like it messy”, Dex’s eyes slipped closed, letting Derek rub his wet thumb over his lips, “I like to make a mess.”

 Dex’s eyes snapped open, breath heaving in his chest as one of his hands slowly moved up Derek’s thigh, fingers tripping over the outline of his dick through the fabric of his sweatpants. The touch was so light but it had been over a whole frustrating month and it punched a moan right out of Derek, moving to grasp Dex’s wrist but he caught his hand up in his own, “Move up the bed for me.”

 Derek took a moment to look at him, flushed under his freckles, eyes dark, soft mouth open and wet, and moaned again. _inshallah_.

 He did as he was asked, half sitting up against the mess of pillows and bringing the bulge in his sweat pants level with Dex’s face. “You sure?”, he breathed when Dex pressed his face into the cut of his hip.

“If you want me to.”

“What if I…”

“Let what feels good feel good, okay? No pressure”, he dug his blunt nails into Derek’s thigh, and even though it was dulled by the fabric of his pants the sudden biting pressure made his breath catch, “You should be more worried about if I suck at this.”

“Please don’t make me make a sucking pun right now.”

 Dex snorted, pressing kisses across the waistband of Derek’s sweatpants as he gently tugged them down. He couldn’t look at himself, did not want to risk blowing (heh) what progress he had made by getting angry and upset, about to curl in on himself in a rush of shame when Dex cupped him in his hand and said mildly, “It’s not the first time I’ve had a half hard dick in my mouth, Nursey.”

 He snapped his gaze down from the dull ceiling just as Dex licked up the length of him, paying attention to the circumcision scar and startling a moan out of Derek even if he felt something unpleasant boil up in his chest, “When my junk is back to normal I am going to fuck you so hard you’ll forget every other guy that’s touched you”, he said with unusual vehemence, feeling just as startled as Dex looked as they blinked at one another.

 Delayed blushing was not something Derek had thought was thing until a delightful burst of pink suddenly blossomed over Dex’s ears after a drawn out silence. “I look forward to it”, he rumbled, holding Derek’s gaze as he took his cock into his mouth.

 It seemed like Dex had taken the whole ‘mess’ thing seriously because it was the dirtiest, loudest blowjob Derek had ever had, Dex pushing one of Derek hands that was wildly scrabbling at his shoulder into his hair and putting pressure on it to encourage Derek to push him down and hold him until he made a filthy wet sound and had to pull back to gasp in a breath, hand working over Derek’s cock which was covered in spit and precome that was dripping down to his balls and wetting his thighs.

 He was a wreck, writhing around and moaning like he had never had his dick sucked before, would be embarrassed if it did not feel so good, if Dex did not have a grin on his face whenever he pulled back to catch his breath. But he was not close to coming, there was no winding up of heat low in his stomach and he was beginning to get desperate, he had nearly forgotten how good it felt it had been so long and he was nearly being driven wild by it.

“Will, Will, Will I can’t, I can’t…” He gasped, half begging, looking down in desperation and unable to stop the buck of his hips when Dex looked up at him from under his fair lashes that were clogged together with tears, his cheek distended around Derek’s cock.

 Dex moved his hand from where it was resting like a brand against Derek’s inner thigh, trailing his fingers lightly over his balls before pressing a knuckle in hard just behind them and Derek yelled out almost in pain his orgasm was so sudden and so intense. He did not think he was going to stop, vaguely aware of Dex coughing as he kept on coming, finally collapsing back into the bed exhausted and over sensitive. It hurt, and he whined at how weirdly good he felt.

 He managed to crack an eye open, taking in the impressive amount of come that was splashed all over Dex’s face and chest, his hand, and the drops hanging onto his heaving stomach and let out a long, shuddering sigh,  _thank you thank you thank you thank you God_ running through his head.

“I hope that was a compliment after you tried to drown me in jizz”, Dex croaked and Derek choked on a laugh.

“Please don’t make me laugh right now, I think I pulled a muscle.”

“I’m lit covered in your come, I have every right.”

 Derek was grinning like an idiot, satisfaction aching deep in his bones, sure he would be high off this orgasm for days but knew that even after all those weeks of zero dick function it was not really the done thing to just lay there after someone had made you come that hard all over them. Pushing himself upright on shaking arms he took a moment to look over Dex who was wiping come out of his eye. “Sorry”, Derek breathed, "S'been a while."

“M’just happy it worked.”

“I won’t count my chickens just yet.”

“I know, but it should help? Maybe? Now that you know you can.”

“I know _you_ can. Holy shit Dex, just... _holy shit_. Your mouth. Thank you.”

“Don’t _thank_ me, jesus christ,” Dex protested, ears red under his messy hair as Derek tried to help him wipe his jizz off his face, absentmindedly bringing his thumb up to his mouth and pausing as he saw Dex track the motion, looking between his hand and Dex before holding it out cautiously for him to lick. “Am I messy enough for you?” Dex whispered, voice hoarse, face wet with spit, tears and come, lips on the sore side of red and yeah, he was. He really was.

 “Fuck”, Derek breathed, getting his legs under him and dragging Dex in for a kiss that tasted strongly of himself and he felt his dick twitching in interest (typical after weeks of basically nothing), shoving his hand down the front of Dex’s soaked boxers, “What do _you_ like baby?”

“Just jack me off.”

“Dex.”

“I…” With the haze of his orgasm clearing Derek could see the desperation in his pale eyes, feel the tremble in his body where he was pressed against him, hear the gentle mewls in his breathing as he opened his legs as wide as he could to give Derek more room where he had ended up settled between them.

 “I’ve got you baby, I’ve got you”, Derek murmured as he carefully laid him down against the rumpled sheets. The messing up of his boyfriend was still a work in progress so Derek got to it, adding a hickey to the pretty spray of freckles on Dex's flushed shoulder as he fumbled under the mattress for his lube.

 

                                                                                           _/ \\_

 Derek closed his phone as Chris slipped back into the driver's seat, peering into the bag he was handed so he could steal a few fries while Chris was not looking.

“It’s okay, I had a sip of your coke while I was walking back”, Chris grinned, poking Derek in the cheek as he shoved a load of fries in his mouth.

“Worst friend ever.”

“I came with you on a clandestine McD run to break our diets, I am the best of friends ever.”

“Mmm, depends on if you rat me out to Bit's or not.”

“And that depends on if you keep eating my fries.”

“Fair enough.”

 They sorted out their food, Derek making several attempts at dropping their drinks down himself while Chris pulled out the cup holder things in the centre console, Derek plugging the AUX cord into his phone so he could find some banging 90’s tunes for them to listen too while they watched the traffic go by from the half empty parking lot.

“I was worried about you for a bit by the way”, Chris said out of nowhere, Derek looking up at him with a big wedge of lettuce hanging out of his mouth.

“Wha?”

“Wasn’t sure you and Dex were such a good idea. You’re not exactly nice to one another. Well you weren’t, the arguments sound like they’ve become weird foreplay now.”

“Uhhh…”

“It seemed so soon after that really bad week. It was, I don’t know, it looked like you guys were being a bit rash if you were looking in from the outside. I didn't say anything 'cause I, like, trust you to know what's good for you.”

“Thanks man. We didn’t get together then, really, it was a bit later. I knew I needed a while,”, Derek admitted, giving up on the lettuce and letting it fall back into the box, “He was very kind when I was feeling so shitty. Kinder than he needed to be, he could have just gone and got you but he cared enough to make an effort. Don't get me wrong, I didn't swoon because he was nice to me but you know how long I've liked him and that gave me the cajones to do something with this pansexuality.”

 Chris twirled the straw in his milkshake, the plastic squeaking against the hole in the lid, “Why...I know I have no right to ask, but why didn’t you call me? I would have come.”

“I know C, but you can’t keep on doing that.”

“You’re my best friend Nursey!”

“And you’re mine, and that’s why I don’t want you running around after me all the time.”

 Chris pursed his lips as he turned to look at Derek, “It feels like...something was up for ages after the bad week ended and you didn’t tell me.”

“Ah - well, that was because it was wicked embarrassing”, Chris raised an eyebrow and Derek sighed, “My dick wouldn’t work, that’s why I got new meds.”

“Oh...oh. Oh. You totally could have told me that!”

“I really couldn’t, even if I should’ve. Look, I’m not cutting you out just ‘cause I’m dating Dex now. I promise”, he reached out to wrap his greasy fingers around Chris’ hand, “I don’t need to ask your help half the time ‘cause you do it without even knowing it C.”

 Chris nodded, “Dex makes you happy doesn’t he?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s s’awesome that you finally sorted your shit out with him, I hated that you liked him so much when you two kept fighting. I love Dex but he’s a dick.”

“Dude I’m only like, twenty percent less of a dick than him. Ten minimum.”

“Okay, this is how it works. The both of you are allowed to be dicks ‘cause you’re my friends. You are not allowed to be a dick to him but Dex is _not_ allowed to be a dick to you.”

“Umm, okay”, Derek looked down and popped the rogue bit of lettuce into his mouth, “Are you still not sure about me and Dex?”

 Chris shrugged, “You haven’t given me any deets, so I can’t really give you an informed opinion.”

“I don’t think I can really...”

“Like, I have no idea if you guys have even talked out half of your shit.”

“Oh, I thought you meant sex deets.”

Chris shot him a look as he sucked on his straw, “I was in when you guys fucked last week. Bitty was in too, we don’t need deets.”

“You...why did no-one fine us?”, Chris blew out his cheeks and shook his head, shoving a handful of fries in his mouth, “Oh.”

“Mmmhmm. Now, you need to tell me if you got this ‘privilege’ thing between you sorted out or if I’m going to have to bang your heads together.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Meds can be rough, there is not just one fix or one option, you are not more sick or more broken if the first option is not the best. It's okay to tell your medical professional if your medication is not working, making you feel gross, or causing bad side effects.


End file.
